Maybe the disappointment of the Prop 8 failure can serve as a reminder of the amount of work left to be done to reach mainstream acceptance of homosexuality. Living in coastal enclaves where gay people are often thought of purely as aesthetically-gifted brunchers who like to party a lot and live in trendy, expensive neighborhoods, makes it easy to forget the huge amount of misunderstanding and hatred that still exists toward homosexuals across this country.
Earlier today at an In-N-Out Burger in Pleasanton, Calif., I saw a young University of Oregon hockey player enjoying a Double-Double with a group of his teammates, sporting a bootleg "Army: No Homo" T-shirt. The Mission District hipster in me (and yes, there is quite a bit, though not quite at the tattoo/barista/thrash drummer level) wanted to take this as an ironic protest against the "Don't ask, don't tell" policy, but given his general demeanor, I'm willing to wager that wasn't the case. Unfortunately for this post, I didn't have the balls to ask him about the shirt, nor did I want to ruin my own Double-Double experience by sharing the venue with a confirmed homophobe.
While the spread of the Internet has dramatically opened up the diversity of information accessible about the world outside one's own life, it can often serve to only accentuate discriminatory behavior through the mask of anonymity. The world of online video gaming is full of anti-gay banter and deliberately hateful attacks on the "gaymer" community. Elsewhere on the web, I've seen message board posts recently lamenting the trend that "every TV show these days has to have a gay or lesbian character" and other such "pervasions" of modern American life by the "gay agenda."
I'm not a completely guiltless observer of these trends either. In years past, I've been guilty of not challenging the use of "gay" as a pejorative adjective referring to stereotypically effeminate activities and attitudes, though not as an out-and-out insult like many young Americans do. Example: Liking pop opera quartet Il Divo is "gay," but a teacher who gives you a bad grade on a test isn't. Unless they are. Not that there's anything wrong with that—to quote the Seinfeld episode that most accurately reflects the lingering unease of homosexuality and PC leanings common in my peer group.
Being a committed Boy Scout brought me some of the most meaningful experiences of my life, from cultivating my love of the outdoors early on to anchoring some of the more subtle traits of personal discipline and integrity in relationships that I rely on every day. Nevertheless, the very Mormons who broke the bank funding Yes on Prop 8 ads provide the bulk of the funding to the Boy Scouts of America, resulting in the infamous policy banning gay Scouts and adult leaders from participation. My own council in high school (Boston Minuteman) took a firm stance against this discriminatory practice, allowing members of all persuasions, but the shame of the national ruling remains with me.
The situation may still be bleak, but there's good reason to believe that it is steadily improving, though not at the pace that those of us sympathetic to the plight of gay rights activists may like. The fact that Prop 8 succeeded by a much thinner margin than the earlier vote banning gay marriage is encouraging. Ultimately though, perhaps the biggest driver of broader mainstream tolerance of homosexuality has been the courageous "coming out" of many of the past several generations of gay people, leading millions of Americans to realize that gay people aren't the one-dimensional threats of their imagination, but cousins, siblings, and children of people much like themselves.
My uncle and his partner, who live and work in St. Paul, Minn., have been together in a stable and loving relationship for most of my life, though until I was at least 13 I just thought they were business partners and good friends, and it wasn't until late in my childhood that the started attending family gatherings as a proud and open couple. My second cousin grew up in upstate New York with a pair of extremely loving grandparents who happened to be devout and culturally conservative Christians; their continued love of him even after learning that he was gay no doubt led to some serious soul-searching and reexamination of old beliefs.
Across the country, gay people in "red states" and smaller cities have gradually been moving into the light, quietly changing opinions and staking a claim that their life need be no different than any other American's, regardless of who they choose as their objects of love and lust. Though it won't be easy, and could fail if our society turned away from openness and acceptance as a value, it is here that I think the battles for gay rights will be won, not in "gay ghettos" like West Hollywood, the West Village, and the Castro.
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